i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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