you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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