she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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