allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
