Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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