Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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