I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
