I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize