I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
