I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
