hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
