Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
