Where did you get a picture of my penis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
