i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
