Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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