Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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