Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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