My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
