you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
