What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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