Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
