considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
