my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do vagina's smell?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
