So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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