she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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