I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
