I understand Curling. That high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
