im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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