I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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