I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
