I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
