I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had sex on a roof
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
