Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize