Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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