I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
tell me about the fingering
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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