Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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