Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
