How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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