Do you still have your period?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
