I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
