nut hugger
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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