do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
