John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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