I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
