Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
