That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
