In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
