I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
