Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
