A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize