How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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