Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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