Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
