im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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