Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
