You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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