i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize