There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
