I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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