He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Randomize
