So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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