My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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