it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize