allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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