I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
