I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize