I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
