You're so nebulous sometimes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
