I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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