maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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