I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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