hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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